Sent by: Lindsey Welker
The differences in dog’s and cat’s outlook
Excerpts from a Dog’s Daily Diary
8:00am    Oh, Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
9:30am    Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40am    A walk in the park! Ate some crap..delicious!!
10:30am   Getting rubbed and petted! I’m in love!
12:00pm   Lunch! Yummy!
1:00pm    Playing in the yard! I just love it!
3:00pm    Staring adoringly at my masters.they’re the best! I’ll wag my tail in joy.
4:00pm    Hooray! The kids are home! I’m bouncing off the walls!
5:00pm    Milkbones! Great!
7:00pm    Get to play ball! This is too good to be true!
8:00pm    Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!
11:00pm   Sleeping at the bottom of my master’s bed! Life is sooooooogreat!
Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary
Day 683 of My Captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I am fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of . However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. The audacity!!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of “allergies”. I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released-and he seems more than willing to return! He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got be an informant-I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe-for now. But I can wait.
It is only a matter of time………….
