Submitted by: He who wishes to remain anonymous

Leeza Bitterman’s Male-Bashing Q & A

Q. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
A. Make him wear shoes!

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Q. How do men define a “50/50” relationship?
A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

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Q. How do men exercise on the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini!

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Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don’t work.

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Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

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Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A. Rename the Inbox folder “Instruction Manuals.”

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Q. How does a man show he’s planning for the future?
A. He buys TWO cases of beer instead of one!

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Q. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
A. All he’s concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs!

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Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed married man?
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.

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Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
A. Any place without a drive-up window.

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Q. What do you call a man handcuffed to your bed?
A. Trustworthy.