Monthly Archives: July 2007

Submitted by: Deena Rammelsberg

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, “Can you tell me how to get to 603 Mockingbird Lane?”

The farmer said, “Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.”

The old lady suggested, “Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?”

“Why thank you very much,” he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says “Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.”

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?

The farmer said, “Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?”

The old lady replied, “Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens…”

A couple of weeks ago I made my first trip to Detroit. After arrival at the Detroit Airport we had to walk to another terminal to make it to the Rental Car shuttle. The walkway between terminals goes under the runway in a tunnel. This tunnel is reminicent of what I would imagine an LSD trip or living in the 60’s would have been like.

Here is the video I found on YouTube of the tunnel.

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Submitted by: Barb Campbell

This has gone around a few times with different people named, but it is kinda humorous none the less.

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Los Angeles. Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, “What happened, what’s the hold up?”

“Terrorists have kidnapped Paris Hilton, Rosie O’Donnell, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection.”

The driver asks, “On average, how much is everyone giving?”

“About a gallon.”

Submitted by: He who wishes to remain anonymous

Dear Abby,

I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.

My wife has been going out with “the girls” a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.” I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with “the girls”.

When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?

Priorities!

Submitted by: Patrick Funk

Great video from Conan O’Brien

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