Monthly Archives: February 2008

Submitted by: Patrick Funk

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Submitted By: Andy Zaharias

The guys were all at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Steve because he snored so badly, they decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first night John slept in Steve’s room and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The rest of the guys said, ‘Man, what happened to you?’ He said, ‘Steve snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.’

The next night it was Garry’s turn. In the morning, same thing–hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. Once again they asked, ‘Man, what happened to you? You look awful!’ He said, ‘Man, that Steve shakes the roof. I couldn’t sleep a wink, I just watched him all night.’

The third night was Herb’s turn. Herb was a big burly guy who loved to fish and hunt — a man’s man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. ‘Good morning,’ he said. The guys couldn’t believe it! They said, ‘Man, what happened?’ He said, ‘Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Steve into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long.

Submitted by: Jonathan Duncan

Nice YouTube Video of an E*Trade Ad from 2000.

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Submitted by: Cate Willis

Rammynote: This is an oldie but goodie. Some references may be outdated but funny and relevant none the less.

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.


AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when
one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating
you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.


FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.


JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.


RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.


TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
You take the restitution check and plant opium poppies.


IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.


POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.


FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can’t
figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.


CALIFORNIAN

You have a cow and a bull.
The bull is depressed.
It has spent its life living a lie.
It goes away for two weeks.
It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have two cows.
One makes milk; the other doesn’t.
You try to sell the transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
You lose in court.
You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.
You change your business to beef.
PETA pickets your farm.
Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.
Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help “working cows”.
Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm “for the children”.
Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico.
The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats.
You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations.
The cow starves to death.
The L.A. Times’ analysis shows your business failure is Bush’s fault.

Found by: The Rammy

I found this on Ureport on the Fox News Website… CLASSIC!

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