Submitted by: Brent Flory

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Submitted by: Rob Barlow

That smokey white devil is no longer a part of my life….

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Submitted by: Lindsey Welker

Rammynote: How she is still single is beyond me… wait… I know why… CRAZY!!!  I am assuming this is a spoof but funny either way.

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Submitted by: Aundrea Rammelsberg

In honor of the “Rapture” here is a great video that was a commercial for the HBO series Six Feet Under a few years ago.

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Submitted by:Colby Curtis

Submitted by: Lindsey Welker

Rammynote: These are some pretty funny pictures but the F word and a little bit of a sexual nature on a few may turn off a some people.  If that offends you, no worries, just please do not read this post!  Otherwise laugh your self silly like I did.

Submitted by: Scott Cowan

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Download Urban or Rural

Submitted by: Courtney Thomas

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
3. Sorry to have missed you, but I’m at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged 5.99 for the first 10 words and 1.99 for each additional word in your message.
6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over….)
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
8. Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
9. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Lucille’ instead of Steve.

Submitted By: Doug Stevens

WHAT IS GENERATION “Y”?

Hmm, I’ve always wondered this myself… now I know.

- People born before 1946 were called The Silent generation.
- The Baby Boomers, are people born between 1946 and 1959.
- Generation X, people have been born between 1960 and 1979.
- Generation Y, are the people born between 1980 and 2009

Why do we call the last group Generation Y?

I never did know, but recently a cartoonist explained it very eloquently below…
Learned something new today!

Submitted by: Jenna Larsen

Submitted by: Scott Cowan

Rammy note: True or not, entertaining story.

Sent by a Marine Pilot

In addition to communicating with the local air traffic control facility, aircraft are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute ‘heads up’ that they will be transiting Iranian airspace. This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and points of origin and destination.

I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai . It’s too good not to pass along. The conversation went something like this…

Air Defense Radar: ‘Unknown aircraft at (location unknown), you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.’

Aircraft: ‘This is a United States aircraft.. I am in Iraqi airspace.’

Air Defense Radar: ‘You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!’

Aircraft: ‘This is a United States FA-18 fighter. Send ‘em up!’

Air Defense Radar: (no response … total silence)

Submitted by: Rob Barlow

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of  that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his  teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter,  lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against  the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming baloney stories.

Submitted by: Elizabeth Orth

Today on my way to lunch I passed a homeless guy with a sign that read “Vote Obama, I need the money.”

I laughed.

Once in the restaurant my server had on a “Obama 08″ tie.  Again I laughed as he had given away his political preference — just imagine the coincidence.

When the bill came I decided not to tip the server and explained to him that I was exploring the Obama redistribution of wealth concept. He stood there in disbelief while I told him that I was going to redistribute his tip to someone who I deemed more in need–the homeless guy outside. The server angrily stormed from my sight.

I went outside, gave the homeless guy $10 and told him to thank the server inside as I’ve decided he could use the money more. The homeless guy was grateful.

At the end of my rather unscientific redistribution experiment I realized the homeless guy was grateful for the money he did not earn, but the waiter was pretty angry that I gave away the money he did earn even though the actual recipient deserved money more.

I guess redistribution of wealth is an easier thing to swallow in concept than in practical application.

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Rammy comment: AMEN!  Now, feel free to comment on this post, open discussion is the key to our political processes.

Submitted by: Deena Rammelsberg

Just glue his sandals to the floor.

Found by: The Rammy

I found this story in my morning perusal of www.FoxNews.com.  Here is the link to the story and the ebay posting.  Since both will eventually go away, I am also posting the picture here with the story from the ebay posting.  Quite the humerous read!

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Kinckers and Condom found by wife after husbands infidelity.

UP FOR AUCTION ARE

ONE EMPTY ANSELL CONDOM PACKET (SIZE small)

AND A PHOTO OF THE PAIR OF

‘THE TART’S'  BLACK LACEY KNICKERS (SIZE HUMONGOUS)

IT SEEMS I HAD VIOLATED EBAY’S SECONDHAND CLOTHES POLICY BY OFFERING ‘THE TART’S’ (HER NAME’S KYLIE i HAVE SINCE FOUND OUT) ACTUAL KNICKERS UP FOR AUCTION PREVIOUSLY

I CAN ONLY NOW OFFER A PHOTO OF THE SAID KNICKERS AND HAVE ADJUSTED THE STARTING PRICE ACCORDINGLY…….. PERSONALLY, I DID THINK .99c WAS A BIT AMBITIOUS BUT, AS THEY ARE SO HUGE, I THOUGHT THEY MAY MAKE SOMEONE A NICE SHAWL OR EVEN BETTER,  SOMETHING FOR HALLOWEEN PERHAPS,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

SO HERE’S THE STORY SO FAR………

Once upon a time there was a women who, after 22 years of marriage, found evidence that the soon to be ex-husband, had had ‘The Tart’ in their marital bed this very afternoon.  This low life deceitful son-of-a-person ( I’m all for political correctness) blatently denied that this event took place even though the evidence is irrefutable and is now up for auction on e-bay.

The first tiny warning bells started ringing around about the same time a text message was received by the wife stating ‘Where are you darling, I’m waiting’.  As the wife had left the soon to be ex-husband at home only a couple of hours earlier to go to work, she thought it somewhat strange getting a message of that ilk from him. After a while curiosity got the better of her and with some trepidation, she decided to go home after telling her boss she had an upset stomach, which was no lie.  When she arrived home an hour or so later, everything seemed normal but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t quite right.   His car was parked in the drive-way where she had seen it earlier on and when she got inside, there he was infront of the T.V. watching a DVD as usual.  She explained she wasn’t feeling too well and said she was going to lie down for a while. His re-action to this was a bit odd to say the least. ‘Why don’t you lie down here on the couch for a while and I’ll get you a cup of tea’, he said. That was her first clue that something really was amiss here. Call him chauvinistic if you want and you would be right because this low-life had never made her a cup of tea in over 22 years of marriage…. so why offer now.  Yep, you guessed it, he didn’t want her going into the bedroom…. now why was that you may ask.  She concluded later that ‘The ‘Tart’ must have been in the process of getting her ass dressed and out of there pronto when she had unexpectedly arrived home.  Of course she made a bee line for the bedroom then, with soon to be ex-hubby on her heels and apart from an unmistakable aroma of some cheap perfume resembling nail polish remover hanging in the air, nothing seemed to be different – except for one thing.   Oh, you men, you will never understand why we have those, annoying to you though they may be, throw pillows and cushions on a bed and what they mean to us women.  They are aesthetically important to our decor and when you see them piled up on a chair in a corner of the room, instead of on the bed where you arranged them a few hours ago, those tiny warning bells you heard earlier were now starting to sound like ‘Big Ben’.  Walking over to the bed, she started slowly taking it apart whilst the soon to be ex-husband stood in the doorway watching.  Initially, when she first took the doona cover off, she was sure he just thought she was going to have a lie down but he was oh so very wrong.  After the doona was deposited on the floor, she picked up her pillow, turned it over, checked under where it had been and then threw it on the floor.  Then came his pillow, she picked it up and here was where she found the first of the two items up for auction – an empty condom packet.  With forefinger and thumb, it was gently lifted from the bed and dangled in front of the soon to be ex-husband’s nose.  He had, by then, turned a lovely shade of red and you could see his mind was racing,… ‘how the hell am I going to get out of this’.  He then said the only inane thing he could come up with at the time which was, ‘What’s that?’. As a couple, they had not used condoms for many years, or at least she hadn’t, but surely that didn’t mean he could have forgotten what one looked like!  For some reason, she continued to strip the bed and when the top sheet was removed the location of the 2nd item up for auction, ‘The Tart’s’ knickers, were discovered at the foot of the bed.

Explanations were needed pronto and would you beleive it, he actually came up with some.  They were all a pack of lies and instead of admitting it, apologizing and starting to grovel, this is what he came up with.  ‘I dropped my phone down the toilet, I didn’t want to put my hands down there and I could’t get it out with the toilet brush so I used a condom because I couldn’t find any rubber gloves’.  Well, well, well, that was thinking on your feet eh!  She thought she had heard it all now but figured she would see how big a hole he really was keen to dig for himself so she then asked. ‘ When was that then and where did you get the condom from?’.  He replied, ‘It happened just after you left for work and I rummaged around and found one in the pocket of an old jacket in the wardrobe’. ‘So how is your phone then, is it working?’ she asked…  ‘No, it’s stuffed’, he replied. ‘So how do you explain sending me a text message a couple of hours after I was at work then’.  ‘What message? It wasn’t from me, my phone’s not working’, he replied but noticed he had gone a funny shade of green as it began to sink in that he had actually sent the text to her by mistake. ‘What about these knickers then, what are they doing in our bed and whose are they’, she asked thinking to herself, this will be good.  She wasn’t disappointed, as blatant as lies go, it was a classic.  ‘Sorry love, I’ve been meaning to tell you for years but I am a closet transvestite and they are mine’.

10 out of 10 for trying buddy but your out of here……..  systematically his clothes were gathered up and thrown out the front door along with ‘The ‘Tart’s’ knickers which, after second thoughts, were scooped up and retrieved.  YES, there really is a God for it started to rain then.  Not just that fine rain which gets on your damn nerves but bucket loads of torrential rain which the soon to be ex-husband found himself standing in whilst calling the soon to be ex-missus all the names under the sun. He was gathering up his wet soggy clothes and the photo she had thrown at him of them outside the church on their wedding day (she thought that maybe a nice touch) when he screamed out for his car keys and wallet. Off she went to get them and with no hesitation, handed them over and told him to get lost in no uncertain terms then watched as he drove away.  Dangling in her hand was the key she had slipped off his keyring, to the soon to be ex-husband’s ‘Harley Hog’, his pride and joy – which brings me nicely to the next item that will probably be sold on Ebay at a start price of .99¢ and of course, with no reserve!

AND THATS THE STORY SO FAR……  HAPPY BIDDING

SELLERS TERMS AND CONDITIONS

PAYMENT WITHIN 24 HOURS FROM END OF AUCTION VIA PAYPAL (OR MONEY ORDER WITHIN AUSTRALIA) AND IN AUSTRALIAN DOLLARS ONLY PLEASE

WORLDWIDE POSTAGE AND HANDLING $2.00AU

Submitted by: Scott Cowan

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Download When the wife doesn’t listen

Submitted by: Josh Tatton’s YouDidNotJustSayThat.com

Hung Chow calls into work and says, ‘Hey, I no come work today, I sick, headache, stomach ache, legs hurt, I no come work.’

The boss says, ‘You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.’

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. ‘I do what you say, I feel great, I be work soon… you got nice house.’

Submitted by: Josh Tatton’s YouDidNotJustSayThat.com

The doctor said, ‘Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.

The bad news is that it will require castration.

You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.’

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men’s clothing store and thought,’That’s what I need… a new suit.’ He entered the shop and told the salesman, ‘I’d like a new suit.’

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, ‘Let’s see…size 44 long.’

Joe laughed, ‘That’s right, how did you know?’

‘Been in the business 60 years!’ the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit; it fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, ‘How about a new shirt?’

Joe thought for a moment and then said, ‘Sure.’

The salesman eyed Joe and said, ‘Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.’

Joe was surprised, ‘That’s right, how did you know?’

‘ Been in the business 60 years.’

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, ‘How about some new underwear?’

Joe thought for a moment and said, ‘Sure.’

The salesman said, ‘Let’s see…size 36.’

Joe laughed, ‘Ah ha! I got you, I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.’

The salesman shook his head, ‘You can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache’

Submitted by: Josh Tatton’s YouDidNotJustSayThat.com

A boy from Texas goes off to college, but half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money.

He calls home. ‘Dad,’ he says, ‘You won’t believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Dallas that will teach our dog, Ol’Blue how to talk!’

‘That’s amazing,’ his Dad says. ‘How do I get Ol’ Blue in that program?’

‘Just send him down here with $1,000′ the young cowboy says. ‘I’ll get him in the course.’

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out.

The boy calls home. ‘So how’s Ol’ Blue doing, son,’ his father asks.

‘Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm,’ he says, ‘but you just won’t believe this – they’ve had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!’

‘Read!’ says his father, ‘No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?’

‘Just send $2,500, I’ll get him in the class.’ The money promptly arrives.

But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. ‘Where’s Ol’ Blue? I just can’t wait to see him read something and talk!’

‘Dad,’ the boy says, ‘I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol’ Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, ‘So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives in town?’

The father exclaimed, ‘I hope you shot that son of a b*$#h before he talked to your Mother!’

‘I sure did, Dad!’

‘That’s my boy!’

(The kid went on to be a successful lawyer)

Submitted by: Josh Tatton’s YouDidNotJustSayThat.com

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