Andy Zaharias

Submitted by: Andy Zaharias

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Submitted by: Andy Zaharias

Two guys, one old timer and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide.

The old timer says to the young guy, ‘Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going. The young guy says, ‘That’s OK. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.’ The old guy says, ‘Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?’

The young guy says, ‘Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she’s wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra What does your wife look like?’ The old timer says….. ‘Doesn’t matter — let’s look for Yours.’

Submitted by: Andy Zaharias

A Texas Department of Water representative stopped at a ranch and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation.” The old rancher said, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.” The Water representative said, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?” The old rancher nodded politely and went about his chores.

Later, the old rancher heard loud screams and saw the Water Rep running for the fence and close behind was the rancher’s bull. The bull was gaining on the Water Rep with every step. The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out….. Your card! Show him your card!”

Submitted By: Andy Zaharias

The guys were all at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Steve because he snored so badly, they decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first night John slept in Steve’s room and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The rest of the guys said, ‘Man, what happened to you?’ He said, ‘Steve snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.’

The next night it was Garry’s turn. In the morning, same thing–hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. Once again they asked, ‘Man, what happened to you? You look awful!’ He said, ‘Man, that Steve shakes the roof. I couldn’t sleep a wink, I just watched him all night.’

The third night was Herb’s turn. Herb was a big burly guy who loved to fish and hunt — a man’s man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. ‘Good morning,’ he said. The guys couldn’t believe it! They said, ‘Man, what happened?’ He said, ‘Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Steve into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long.

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