Courtney Thomas
Stress Relief
Submitted by: Courtney Thomas
The Difference Between Guts and Balls
Submitted by: Courtney Thomas
There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.
We’ve all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
GUTS – Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask:
‘Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?’
BALLS – Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say:
‘You’re next, Chubby.’
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically, speaking there is no difference in the outcome.
Both result in death.
Survivor – Idaho Style
Submitted by: Courtney Thomas
Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Idaho is planning to do its own titled ‘Survivor -Idaho Style.’
The contestants will start in Boise , travel over to Twin Falls and Idaho Falls.
Then, they will head northwest to Salmon then over to Lewiston.
From there they will proceed North to Moscow.
The final leg will be back to Boise!
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with California license plates and a HUGE bumper sticker that reads:
‘I’m gay. I’m a vegetarian. Beer is harmful to your health. Republicans suck. Obama is God. Deer hunting is murder,… and I’m here to confiscate your guns.’
The first one that makes it back to Boise alive wins.
How Fairy Tales Really End!
Cinderella
Snow White
Little Red Riding Hood
Sleeping Beauty
Jasmine (Aladdin)
Belle (Beauty and the Beast)
The Little Mermaid
Perspective
Submitted by: Courtney Thomas
On a cruise ship trip, Ed fell head over heels for Dorothy. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.
Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Dorothy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Dorothy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.
On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Dorothy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, “I guess you can tell I’m very much in love with you. I’d like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it’s only fair to warn you, I’m a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that’s going to be a problem, for us, you’d better say so now!”
Dorothy took a deep breath and responded, “Ed, that certainly won’t be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we’re being totally honest with each other, you need to know that about the last five years I’ve been a hooker.”
“I see,” Ed replied thoughtfully. He looked down at the table, and was quiet for a moment, deep in serious thought then he added, “You know, it’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”