Ready To Run With The Bulls?

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Submitted by: Alex McBride

THIS IS FAKE – 6 Lab Puppies Need A Home

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Rammyupdate: Thanks to Liz Orth for letting us know that this post is a FAKE… I did not check this one because it seemed like just passing along from Brent Flory. We were DUPED, HOODWINKED, BAMBOOZLED, RUN AMUK, LEAD ASTRAY…

My apologies,

The Rammy

Submitted by: Brent Flory

Rammynote: This is not the normal rammygram but if you know anyone that could give these dogs a home, just let Jennifer Bryan know.
———————————————————————
Please contact Jennifer Bryan at jbryan@agsupply.com if interested.

Scott (my friend) rescued 6 black lab (mix) puppies out of the middle of the road on Saturday. PLEASE help me find them homes – otherwise, it’s Animal Control – which means they only have 5 days. We’ve bathed them, sprayed them for fleas and wormed them….but we can’t keep them. They are currently in a kennel in my basement since I don’t have a fence. I’ve lost count of the number of rescue groups that I’ve contacted, only to be turned down due to no room.

Please check with every dog person you know to see if they need a puppy.

Look at them in the picture, they are super cute.

Click here for Larger Image

Two guys that should never sit next to each other!

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Submitted by:Liz Orth

Something to offend everyone! [PG]

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Submitted by Liz Orth

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag (I take exception to this one)

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

What do you call a smart blond?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.

Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls

What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blond say when she found out she was pregnant?
“Are you sure it’s mine?”

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying “Yo.”

Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him “Sum Ting Wong”

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They’re hiring.

What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… “a recipe”.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one’s tall enough to go on the good rides

AND….LAST BUT NOT LEAST

What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…” A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit…

Why did the chicken cross the road?

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Submitted by: Liz Orth

DR. PHIL’S ANSWER:

The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize
that he must first deal with the problem on “THIS” side of the
road before it goes after the problem on the “OTHER SIDE”
of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid
he’s acting by not taking on his “CURRENT” problems before
adding “NEW” problems.
____________________________________________________

OPRAH’S ANSWER:

Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which
is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having
the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part
of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive
across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
____________________________________________________

GEORGE W BUSH’S ANSWER:

We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just
want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The
chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
____________________________________________________

COLIN POWELL:

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road…
____________________________________________________

ANDERSON COOPER – CNN:

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not
yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
____________________________________________________

JOHN KERRY:

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
___________________________________________________

NANCY GRACE :

That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY! You can see
it in his eyes and the way he walks.
____________________________________________________

PAT BUCHANAN:

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
____________________________________________________

MARTHA STEWART:

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going.
I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the
price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
____________________________________________________

DR SEUSS:

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
____________________________________________________

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die in the rain. Alone.
____________________________________________________

JERRY FALWELL:

Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain
side.” That’s why they call it the “other side.” Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I
say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other
side.” That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as
simple as that.
____________________________________________________

GRANDPA:

In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
____________________________________________________

BARBARA WALTERS:

Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening
to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story
of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on
to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
____________________________________________________

JOHN LENNON:

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together,
in peace.
____________________________________________________

ARISTOTLE:

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
____________________________________________________

BILL GATES:

I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance
your check book. Internet Explorer is a integral part of eChicken.
This new platform is much more stable and will never crash.
____________________________________________________

ALBERT EINSTEIN:

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move
beneath the chicken?
____________________________________________________

BILL CLINTON:

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your
definition of chicken?
____________________________________________________

AL GORE:

I invented the chicken!
____________________________________________________

COLONEL SANDERS:

Did I miss one?
____________________________________________________

DICK CHENEY:

Where’s my gun?
_____________________________________________

AL SHARPTON:

Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.