Rammynote: This is the rare political posting but I think it makes a good point.

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college.  Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative, a  feeling she openly expressed.  Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on  the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father.  He responded by asking how she was doing in school.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time  to go out and party like other people she knew.  She didn’t even have time  for a boyfriend, and didn’t really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, “How is your friend Audrey doing?” She replied, “Audrey is barely getting by.  All she takes are easy classes,  she never studies and she barely has a 2.0 GPA.  She is so popular on  campus; college for her is a blast.  She’s always invited to all the  parties  and lots of times she doesn’t even show up for classes because she’s too  hung over”

Her wise father asked his daughter, “Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0.  That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.”

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father’s suggestion, angrily fired  back, “That’s a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I’ve worked really hard  for my grades!  I’ve invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey  has done next to nothing toward her degree.  She played while I worked my  tail off!”

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, “Welcome to the conservative side of the fence.”

If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!

If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for  it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.

A liberal will delete it because he’s “offended.”

*Well, I forwarded it to you.*

Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Idaho is planning to do its own titled ‘Survivor -Idaho Style.’

The contestants will start in Boise , travel over to Twin Falls and Idaho Falls.
Then, they will head northwest to Salmon then over to Lewiston.
From there they will proceed North to Moscow.
The final leg will be back to Boise!

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with California license plates and a HUGE bumper sticker that reads: 
‘I’m gay.  I’m a vegetarian. Beer is harmful to your health. Republicans suck. Obama is God. Deer hunting is murder,… and I’m here to confiscate your guns.’

The first one that makes it back to Boise alive wins.

At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.

While the IRS agent was checking the books he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, “I notice you buy a lot of bandages.
What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?

“Good question,” noted the CFO. “We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages.

“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.
“What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?”

“Ah, yes,” replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question.
“We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster.

“I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. “Well,” he went on, “What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?

“Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the CFO. “What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.”

Submitted by: Liz Orth

Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. This renewed the efforts of the villager sand they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each!  However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: ‘Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.’

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 700 billion dollars. They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys!

Now you have a better understanding of how the WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WILL WORK!!!!

Rammy note: True or not, entertaining story.

Sent by a Marine Pilot

In addition to communicating with the local air traffic control facility, aircraft are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute ‘heads up’ that they will be transiting Iranian airspace. This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and points of origin and destination.

I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai . It’s too good not to pass along. The conversation went something like this…

Air Defense Radar: ‘Unknown aircraft at (location unknown), you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.’

Aircraft: ‘This is a United States aircraft.. I am in Iraqi airspace.’

Air Defense Radar: ‘You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!’

Aircraft: ‘This is a United States FA-18 fighter. Send ‘em up!’

Air Defense Radar: (no response … total silence)

Rammynote:  This has been beaten to death, but in case you haven’t see this yet there are a couple to make you chuckle.

New Political Version of “Why the Chicken Crossed the Road”

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road.  This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road.  But then, this really isn’t about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road.  We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not.  The chicken is either against us, or for us.  There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where’s my shotgun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.  What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions.  I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road.  What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad.  So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going.  I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.  No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the other side.  Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.  And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.  I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side.  That chicken should not be crossing the road.  It’s as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road.  Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that intewesting? In a few moments, we wiwl be listening to the chicken tell, for the fiwst time, the hotwarming stowy of how it expewienced a sewious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dweam of cwossing the woad.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all… the chickens… in the world crossing roads… together, in peace.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: What?, Did I miss one?

Today on my way to lunch I passed a homeless guy with a sign that read “Vote Obama, I need the money.”

I laughed.

Once in the restaurant my server had on a “Obama 08″ tie.  Again I laughed as he had given away his political preference — just imagine the coincidence.

When the bill came I decided not to tip the server and explained to him that I was exploring the Obama redistribution of wealth concept. He stood there in disbelief while I told him that I was going to redistribute his tip to someone who I deemed more in need–the homeless guy outside. The server angrily stormed from my sight.

I went outside, gave the homeless guy $10 and told him to thank the server inside as I’ve decided he could use the money more. The homeless guy was grateful.

At the end of my rather unscientific redistribution experiment I realized the homeless guy was grateful for the money he did not earn, but the waiter was pretty angry that I gave away the money he did earn even though the actual recipient deserved money more.

I guess redistribution of wealth is an easier thing to swallow in concept than in practical application.

—————————————————-

Rammy comment: AMEN!  Now, feel free to comment on this post, open discussion is the key to our political processes.

I remember the time that Catherine, one of my daughter Shannon’s friends when she was little, told me that she wanted to be President one day. Both of her parents are liberal Democrats and were standing there with us – and I asked Catherine, ‘If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?’

Catherine replied, ‘I would give houses to all the homeless people.’

‘Wow, what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine.’ I told her, ‘You don’t have to wait until you are President to do that, you can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in the back yard and I will pay you $5. Then we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 to use for a new house.’

Catherine, who was about 4, thought that over for a second, while her mom looked at me, and Catherine replied, ‘Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can pay him the $5.’

Welcome to the Republican Party, Catherine

Enough Said!

I found this on SNL the other night and it was hillarious! Hope you enjoy this video!
[hulu:http://www.hulu.com/embed/Fh8noEEeC42OrlxBBjaxAQ]

I found this on Ureport on the Fox News Website… CLASSIC!

[youtube]EjYv2YW6azE[/youtube]

This ad is Chuck Norris Approved!

DR. PHIL’S ANSWER:

The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize
that he must first deal with the problem on “THIS” side of the
road before it goes after the problem on the “OTHER SIDE”
of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid
he’s acting by not taking on his “CURRENT” problems before
adding “NEW” problems.
____________________________________________________

OPRAH’S ANSWER:

Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which
is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having
the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part
of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive
across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
____________________________________________________

GEORGE W BUSH’S ANSWER:

We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just
want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The
chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
____________________________________________________

COLIN POWELL:

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road…
____________________________________________________

ANDERSON COOPER – CNN:

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not
yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
____________________________________________________

JOHN KERRY:

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
___________________________________________________

NANCY GRACE :

That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY! You can see
it in his eyes and the way he walks.
____________________________________________________

PAT BUCHANAN:

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
____________________________________________________

MARTHA STEWART:

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going.
I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the
price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
____________________________________________________

DR SEUSS:

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
____________________________________________________

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die in the rain. Alone.
____________________________________________________

JERRY FALWELL:

Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain
side.” That’s why they call it the “other side.” Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I
say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other
side.” That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as
simple as that.
____________________________________________________

GRANDPA:

In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
____________________________________________________

BARBARA WALTERS:

Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening
to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story
of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on
to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
____________________________________________________

JOHN LENNON:

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together,
in peace.
____________________________________________________

ARISTOTLE:

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
____________________________________________________

BILL GATES:

I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance
your check book. Internet Explorer is a integral part of eChicken.
This new platform is much more stable and will never crash.
____________________________________________________

ALBERT EINSTEIN:

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move
beneath the chicken?
____________________________________________________

BILL CLINTON:

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your
definition of chicken?
____________________________________________________

AL GORE:

I invented the chicken!
____________________________________________________

COLONEL SANDERS:

Did I miss one?
____________________________________________________

DICK CHENEY:

Where’s my gun?
_____________________________________________

AL SHARPTON:

Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

This has gone around a few times with different people named, but it is kinda humorous none the less.

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Los Angeles. Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, “What happened, what’s the hold up?”

“Terrorists have kidnapped Paris Hilton, Rosie O’Donnell, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection.”

The driver asks, “On average, how much is everyone giving?”

“About a gallon.”

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu…

+Â Broiled Missionary: $10.00
+Â Fried Explorer: $15.00
+Â Grilled Republican: $20.00
+Â Baked Democrat: $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, ‘”Why such a price difference for the Democrat?”

The waiter replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one? They’re so full of shit, it takes all morning.”