Watch Koreas Got Talent – Sung-bong Choi. Get ready to be blown away by not only the singing of Song-bong Choi but his incredible story as well. He refers to himself as a “manual worker” who has been living on his own since he was five years old. He goes on to describes how he had to sleep in public restrooms to find shelter. Awesome young man!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BewknNW2b8Y[/youtube]

Rammynote: This is the rare political posting but I think it makes a good point.

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college.  Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative, a  feeling she openly expressed.  Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on  the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father.  He responded by asking how she was doing in school.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time  to go out and party like other people she knew.  She didn’t even have time  for a boyfriend, and didn’t really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, “How is your friend Audrey doing?” She replied, “Audrey is barely getting by.  All she takes are easy classes,  she never studies and she barely has a 2.0 GPA.  She is so popular on  campus; college for her is a blast.  She’s always invited to all the  parties  and lots of times she doesn’t even show up for classes because she’s too  hung over”

Her wise father asked his daughter, “Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0.  That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.”

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father’s suggestion, angrily fired  back, “That’s a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I’ve worked really hard  for my grades!  I’ve invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey  has done next to nothing toward her degree.  She played while I worked my  tail off!”

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, “Welcome to the conservative side of the fence.”

If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!

If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for  it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.

A liberal will delete it because he’s “offended.”

*Well, I forwarded it to you.*

Everyone Loves Guns n Roses!

I will slap you silly!

Born to Rock!

Sup G!

Is that edible?

On second thought…

That’s right Baby…. I still got it!

Rice cereal!?  I don’t need no more stinking rice cereal!

OH! C-C-C-COLD WIPES!

I can’t believe this place.

Tonight you die in your sleep!

Tell me she did  NOT say that!!

How to Give a Cat a Pill

1.  Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure  
to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.  As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.
Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2.  Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3.  Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4.  Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.
Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.  
Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5.  Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse in from the garden.

6.  Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.
Ignore low growls emitted by cat. 
Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.
Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

7.  Retrieve cat from curtain rail.
Get another pill from foil wrap. 
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. 
Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8.  Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9.  Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. 
Apply band-aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10.  Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed.
Get another pill. 
Open another beer. 
Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. 
Force mouth open with dessert spoon. 
Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11.  Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. 
Drink beer.  
Fetch bottle of scotch. 
Pour shot, drink.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. 
Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.
Toss back another shot.
Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12.  Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road.  
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.

13.  Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. 
Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. 
Be rough about it.
Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14.  Consume remainder of scotch.
Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. 
Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. 
Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15.  Arrange for ASPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1.  Wrap it in bacon.

2.  Toss it in the air.

After being married for 54 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said,

“54 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old girl.

Now I have a$ 1,500,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen tv, but i’m sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.”

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white tv.

Aren’t older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crises.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN’T LOOK THAT OLD.

WELL . . . YOU’LL LOVE THIS ONE.

MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME,

DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL             .

‘YES. YES, I DID. I’M A MUSTANG,’ HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

‘WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?’ I ASKED.

HE ANSWERED, ‘IN 1975, WHY DO YOU ASK?’ 

‘YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!’, I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED FACED, FAT-ASSED, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT, SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED…

‘WHAT DID YOU TEACH???

Just glue his sandals to the floor.

SIGN IN A STORE WINDOW:

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia .

You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement. But we pride ourselves on being a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty. And after all, it is just a sign. You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign?

Answer: A Funeral Home
(Who said morticians had no sense of humor)

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, “who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!” The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: “Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.

If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?”

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him, “You try again.”

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, “Can you tell me how to get to 603 Mockingbird Lane?”

The farmer said, “Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.”

The old lady suggested, “Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?”

“Why thank you very much,” he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says “Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.”

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?

The farmer said, “Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?”

The old lady replied, “Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens…”

The doctor said, “Jim, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”

Jim was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need. A new suit.”

He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I’d like a new suit.” The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let’s see. Size 44 long.”

Jim laughed, “That’s right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years!” the tailor said.

Jim tried on the suit, it fit perfectly. As Jim admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about a new shirt?”

Jim thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”

The salesman eyed Jim and said, “Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.”

Jim was surprised, “That’s right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years.”

Jim tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. Jim walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?”

Jim thought for a moment and said, “Sure.”

The salesman said, “Let’s see. Size 36.”

Jim laughed, “Ah ha! I’ve got you there; I’ve worn a size 34 since I was
18 years old.”

The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”

New suit – $400
New shirt – $36
New underwear – $18
Second Opinion – PRICELESS

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.

“What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!” he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that moment, the Atheist cried out “Oh my God!” Suddenly time stopped, the bear froze, and the forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, “You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don’t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?”

The atheist looked directly into the light “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?”

“Very well,” said the voice.

The light went out. The river ran again. In addition, the sounds of the forest resumed. Then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke, “Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful.”

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for the little blue “Viagra” pill.

The pharmacist asked, “How many?”

The man replied, “Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces.

The pharmacist said, “That’s too small a dose. That won’t get you through intimacy.”

The old fellow said, “Oh, I’m past eighty years old and I don’t even think about intimacy much anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my new golf shoes.”

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu…

+Â Broiled Missionary: $10.00
+Â Fried Explorer: $15.00
+Â Grilled Republican: $20.00
+Â Baked Democrat: $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, ‘”Why such a price difference for the Democrat?”

The waiter replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one? They’re so full of shit, it takes all morning.”

A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.

Guy behind the counter says, “Male or female?”

Customer says, “Female”

Counter guy asks, “Black or white?”

Customer says, “White”

Counter guy asks, “Christian or Muslim?”

Customer says, “What the hell does religion have to do with it?”

Counter guy says, “The Muslim one blows itself up!”

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.

The florist’s son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.

The candy-store owner’s daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.

Then the liquor-store owner’s son brought up a big, heavy box.

The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.

She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.

“Is it wine?” she guessed.

“No,” the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, “Champagne?.

“No,” said the little boy..

“It’s a puppy!”

An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to plant his tomato garden, as he had for decades and decades, but it was very hard work as the ground was extremely hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. Depressed at his lack of options, the old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know that if you were here my troubles would be over I know you would dig into this hard ground and create the garden plot for me.

Love, Dad A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad, Not for nothing, but don’t dig up that garden. I absolutely do not want you or anyone else digging into this ground. That’s where I buried the BODIES.

Love, Vinnie At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love, Vinnie