Life Explained by Graphs
August 12, 2010 on 9:19 am | In Liz Orth, Pictures | No Comments
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
Loading ...Submitted by: Liz Orth
The Dark Side of Women
April 12, 2010 on 8:26 am | In Liz Orth, Male - Female Relationships | No Comments (No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Submitted by: Elizabeth Orth
In the third shop her mobile phone rang. It was a doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition in the ICU.
The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she’d be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital.
She ended up shopping the rest of the morning.
Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband’s condition.
The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, “You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn’t you! I hope you’re proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It’s just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care.”
The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed. The lady doctor then chuckled and said, “I’m just pulling your leg. He’s dead. Show me what you bought.”
Why Men Shouldn’t Write Advice Columns
December 30, 2009 on 1:19 pm | In Liz Orth, Male - Female Relationships, Pictures | No Comments (No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Submitted by: Elizabeth Orth
The Sisters of St. Francis [PG]
February 20, 2009 on 4:56 pm | In Funny Stories / Jokes, Liz Orth, Rated PG | No Comments
(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5) Loading ...Submitted by: Liz Orth
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye…..
It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought….
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, ‘What may we do for you ! my son? ‘
He answers, ‘I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business….’
‘Very well my son. Please follow me.’ He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, ‘Please knock on this door.’
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door… This nun instructs, ‘Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.’
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER
How the Bailout Might Work?
January 9, 2009 on 10:12 pm | In Liz Orth, Political | No Comments (No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Submitted by: Liz Orth
Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.
The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.
He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. This renewed the efforts of the villager sand they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: ‘Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.’
The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 700 billion dollars. They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys!
Now you have a better understanding of how the WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WILL WORK!!!!
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