Submitted by: Kelly Orr

  1. Run one lap around the office at top speed.
  2. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
  3. Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, “I can’t talk about it.”
  4. Page yourself over the intercom (don’t disguise your voice).
  5. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, “Rock Hard.”
  6. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers (Sparky or Sport, for example) and refer to them only by these names.
  7. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to in your office as “Bob.”
  8. After every sentence, say ‘Mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent (as in, “The report is on your desk, Mon”).
  9. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do a number two.”
  10. In a meeting, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, “Shut up, all of you just shut up!”
  11. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
  12. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem.
  13. While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
  14. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
  15. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle and play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
  16. Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge and try to pass them off as your children.
  17. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN”.
  18. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
  19. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, “Just called to say I can’t talk right now. Bye.”
  20. Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
  21. Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company’s products and then forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
  22. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you’re doing. For example, “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom, in Stall # 3.”
  23. In your e-mails dont use any punctuation
  24. In your’ e-mails; – use, too…much; punctuation!!!
  25. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area and insist to others that you like it that way.
  26. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, “You wanna trade?”
  27. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, “As God as my witness, I’ll never go hungry again.”
  28. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
  29. Determine how many cups of coffee are “too many.”
  30. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks and once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
  31. Tell your boss, “It’s not the voices in my head that bother me, it’s the voices in your head that do.”

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